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My Heart Billows Soot

by Kaitlyn Zittel

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1.
In The Street 06:47
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Wrapped up in secret identities you’re not aware of Caught up in bitterness down to the bones Wrapped up in teardrops and stricken grief, I can’t stop mourning Caught up in misery of the deepest kind Do you notice I am not, who I was a year ago I’ve not changed in many ways, but one’s too much for me to take Have you noticed what’s around you, what’s gone missing from the world Heard they tossed it to the urn, now what you get is what you see I used to think gumdrops would rain down on me if I just sang Loud enough, getting soaked with my sisters, our tongues out in the rain One day, the truth was made known to me I still can’t shake it And wish that, they’d been kind enough to keep it a secret Do you notice I am not, who I was a month ago I’ve not changed in many ways, but one’s too much for me to take Have you noticed what’s around you, what’s gone missing from the world Heard they tossed it to the urn, now what you get is what you see Faces... invading, pervading, infiltrating my mind And my dreams, like gnomes with their caps off just don’t feel right I was the baby for four years, I thought it’d never change Thank God for the Ice King and Elf that came and took my place Do you notice we are not, who we were a week ago We’ve not changed in many ways, but sometimes one’s too much to take Have you noticed what’s around you, what’s gone missing from the world Heard they tossed it to the urn, now what you get is what you see But it’s all burned down, charred and scorched Ashes mix within our blood, ‘til we’re coughing up our lungs and put in coffins 6 ft. down We’re all orphans each alone, with no place to lay our heads If we were birds we’d all have nests, if we were foxes we’d have holes As it is, we’ll put to rest, any thoughts of that extent No one’s listening to our pleas, they fear the scabs upon our feet We’ve been outcast we’re in need, do you think that they can see See our hands out when they eat, see our faces as we weep In the street... In the street... In the street You’ll find nothing to eat In the street You’ll find no covering In the street You’ll find no peace But in the street The lame begin to leap In the street The mute begin to speak In the street I heard the blind can see In the street I saw two sandaled feet
2.
Birds Singing Over Me 06:36
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The Birds... sing my name Out my window, night and day I lie awake... wondering if I, should reply If it crosses my mind, to be obscure, what should I say I could close the pane of glass, that separates me from the outside Oh, but I would lose the breeze, and the birds singing over me The Birds... sing my name Out my window, night and day I lie awake... wondering if I, should reply I could close the pane of glass, that separates me from the outside Oh, but I would lose the breeze, and the birds singing over me Though I’m awake, and I cannot sleep, something in me finds it all so soothing Like a parent’s melody, sung over their baby Be gentle to me, be gentle to me... Be gentle, be gentle, be gentle Be gentle to me, be gentle to me... Be gentle, be gentle, be gentle Be gentle to me The Birds... sing my name Out my window, night and day I lie awake... wondering if I, should reply
3.
Take Me Down 05:31
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Lord, O Lord now what am I to do I’ve overthought this moment here with you, too many times God, O God, have mercy on my soul I’m not my own, I am not my own Lord, O Lord now what am I to do I’ve squandered all my riches in a whirl God, O God, please help me change my ways I’m tortured by my own damn lullabies Oh take me down now! I can’t be found out Conceal me somehow, cause I can’t get away Oh take me down now! I’ve been too high up Now I need a real good fall Helter Skelter take this bloody glass from me I punched the window when the fog prevented me to see, through Dear Grim Reaper, I do not recall asking for you But you come each night like there’s a welcome sign outside my door Oh take me down now! I can’t be found out Conceal me somehow, cause I can’t get away Oh take me down now! I’ve been too high up Now I need a real good fall Wash me, wash me, in a river of your blood I will do my best, to keep my lungs closed up Warn me, warn me, anytime you can I won’t retaliate, against my... sentence from you Brothers, sisters what do you propose we do Our father and our mother went to war Ain’t got no food, just a bible and a loaded gun I know which is the first I’m gonna use Oh take me down now! I can’t be found out Conceal me somehow, cause I can’t get away Oh take me down now! I’ve been too high up Now I need a real good fall
4.
Blood Song 03:59
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Words... how you evade me today Just when I need you most, you’re gone I’ve seen something, that I cannot unsee I’ve felt grief, that wasn’t mine to grieve Oh melody, won’t you rest in peace For the man, who stole his life in front of me Song, state your purpose; don’t run vain off my lips This is no time to waste, this is a time to forgive All the pain and hardship, that was too much to bear Life lived without purpose, oh life it isn’t fair Death, where is your sympathy? Death where is your shame For taking life so early, you take without restraint Have you no mercy, on these poor youth of ours They’ve only just begun, but the pain of life... oh the pain of life... was too much
5.
Tangled Up 04:56
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Never thought, I’d fall for you Now I’m falling like a fool, stumbling over my limbs Tripping on words, tripping on my pride I tried, to speak my mind; loosen the knots on my tongue But your touch tangles me up Your touch tangles me up Never thought you’d want me, feels like I am at most nothing At most a misfit shoe to you At most a falling fool Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Don’t respond, I have to go, turn on my heels and run Away from the truth and far away from you Don’t speak now, I am gone Don’t speak now, I am gone Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo
6.
Limestone 07:01
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Dirty water, shows me my reflection I am darker, muddied by my sin Brick and mortar, built this fine town With no foundation, your labor crumbles to the ground But I will build my house on limestone We’re all pieces, playing on a board Could someone tell me, if I’m a knight or just a horse We’re all pawns, no one means a thing But even pawns, sometimes become the king Nothing’s right, all that shouldn't be just is Nothing’s light, the darkness wins again Nothing’s right, afraid of all we know Nowhere to hide, the dark is in control But I will build my house on limestone A wise man said, death is the destiny, of every man And there’s nothing he can take But I’m a fool, for I don’t heed this truth Fists clenched tight, holding onto all I get Nothing’s right, all that shouldn't be just is Nothing’s light, the darkness wins again Nothing’s right, afraid of all we know Nowhere to hide, the dark is in control But I will build my house on limestone I walk closer, to the scary edge Bath in dirty water... now all my clothes are wet But in these clothes I’ll go to bed
7.
Dancing In A Mindfield 06:36
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Days pass me slowly Hours all fly by In the wake of the evening I’m antagonized I don’t need one more solemn oath Or the promise of the day (No...) Just some rest for these weary bones And a dream that will not break I’ve been living in the chaos I’ve been rollin’ in the waves Been dancin’ in a minefield I’ve been diggin’ my own grave You clothed me in worry You fit my feet with fear For the sake of my glory I said I did not care Gave up what was precious For some, coins in the dirt (No...) And my self preservation But men shouldn’t measure worth I’ve been living in the chaos I’ve been rollin’ in the waves Been dancin’ in a minefield I’ve been diggin’ my own grave If I had, ears to hear, or eyes to see If I had, a heart that could understand Then I’d have peace But... I’ve been living in the chaos I’ve been rollin’ in the waves Been dancin’ in a minefield I’ve been diggin’ my own grave I’ve been living in the chaos I’ve been rollin’ in the waves Been dancin’ in a minefield I’ve been diggin’ my own grave
8.
Under The Birch 04:15
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Somewhere deep in burning woods, underneath the birch she looks For the treasure that she hid before Deep within the scary cove, locked up in the ocean’s throes Lay the gems of joy and innocence Somewhere deep in quiet pain, memories hold double weight Whispering tainted truth to bind her strength Fog incurs a crippled state; blinded in the ashy haze She won’t walk on, the path behind is lost Once two pillars were her home, only thing she’d ever known Now she’s running frantic in the night On a jagged rock she weeps, scared to close her eyes and dream They cut like shrapnel ‘til even waking stings Somewhere deep in burning woods, underneath the birch she looks For the treasure that she hid before
9.
A Letter From Fear 06:21
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Dear Soul You’ve been a lovely host Comfortably I roam, in quiet quarters of silent thought and desperate hope And tear them down Listen, I’ve some advice for you You’ll never make it, unless you take control It’s no use, to ignore me I make myself known, in bitter dreams Stealing color, stealing the rest you need And like raked leaves, I’ll rake your peace So don’t fight, I am a part of you Confounding courage, confounding all you know and were told You will not know the truth Worry, I let her in with me Hope you don't mind two, or even three Where we go, chaos sprouts like seed You shall not love, or be loved You will not hope, or feel trust No peace for you, now or to come Question what you know and all you’ve done Build a kingdom, I’ll hand you the bricks Gain gold and silver, serve under them You’re where I want you, prisoner of your work Safe behind bars, to earn your worth A beautiful cell, locked and safe A beautiful cell, inside you waste
10.
My Heart Billows Soot 06:34
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Oh, my heart bellows soot My machinery cracks and creeks All my toil’s underfoot All my dreams are dying quick Nothing in this world can grow My work is wasted like a drunk Spent my days in a fit of rage All that came unto me was harm I am tethered to a stone Thrown into a creek Down I’m pulled and fast I sink Looking up I saw the sun But don’t you know I cannot swim My guardian never taught me such a thing I was raised in a barren waste No water posed a threat to harm me I can sit and throw my seeds But all these roots are obsolete Soon enough they’ll turn to weeds Fix your gaze to a begging face Have you silver or gold Gold and silver I have not But what I have I give to you So throw your net and real it in No harm shall befall you Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah... ahahaha Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah... ahahaha Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah... ahahaha Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah... ahahaha Nothing in this world can grow My work is wasted like a drunk Spent my days in a fit of rage All that came unto me was harm So throw your net and pull it in No harm shall befall you Throw your net and pull it in No harm shall befall you No harm shall befall you
11.
Embark 08:54
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Don’t you know the path you’ve been given Tell me dear, why do you fret We are all misguided missiles Stray no matter which way we first went So tear up the floor boards Termites eat away at your heart Pull on the curtains Let light shine into the dark We can’t take back what we said Lies weigh heavy on my chest I pray to God that we forget But our motives now lie bent Why do you chase your running shadow Circles never made much sense No matter how long you keep looking You don’t know where it starts or where it ends So won’t you be my sweet lover I’m sick of love that’s just an act Won’t you let me love my lover Won’t you love your lover back Refill your drawer I’ll disprove love with common sense Take back your keys Feelings don’t make love you need emotions I will not give my consent Love’s a poison with no end All my hope in it’s been spent And I will not soon forget Why do you treat your heart with contempt Does your will betray your mind Have you ever tried to break free Or are our fates all sealed in time So tear off your flesh and lies Let your dry bones speak what’s right No harvest where you go You cannot reap what you’ve not sown We cannot make our escape Night has come to take the day All our bridges seem to break And there’s no key to our chains Don’t you know what you’ve been given Tell me dear, why do you weep You’re worth more than precious gemstones Still there’s nightmares when you sleep So open your eyes Let your vision be your sight Cut off your mind Thoughts can block what lies behind You can’t let them take what’s our Love is sailing without charts We might drown following our hearts But on this journey I embark
12.
Left Behind 04:56
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I’ve been away from the world awhile Now I fear I don’t belong My confident mind has been left in a heap Rest assured the restless are more rested then me I fear I won’t make it to the end That all my friends who ran with me, will celebrate alone I fear I won’t run across the line I’ll stumble right before I finish... and then I’ll die A man in blue once told me, loyalty’s a gift And duty’s first priority when you’re among the dead So where do my, loyalties lie Are they here, or there, or buried deep within I fear I won’t make it to the end That all my friends who ran with me, will celebrate alone And, I fear I won’t run across the line I’ll stumble right before I finish I fear I am falling fast behind The best things in my life now seem so dull I fear that all my time’s been wasted And dreams may only serve to ruin me My dreams will only serve to ruin me There are things, that I am hiding from My present has a past There are days, I tell myself I can’t go on But on and on and on I seem to go

about

This album addresses the many hard elements of humanity, and shines a reflective light on aspects of ourselves we often wish weren't there. It tackles subjects such as fear, self-doubt, insecurity, worthlessness, identity crisis, and more.

credits

released November 30, 2018

All songs written by Kaitlyn Zittel
Limestone recorded & mixed by Chad Hayes at Bright Light Audio
All other songs recorded & mixed by Greg Baxter at Second Story Sound
Mastered by La Luna Recording & Sound

Produced by Kaitlyn Zittel

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Kaitlyn Zittel Grand Rapids, Michigan

A unique blend of Indie-folk, Americana, and Folk-Rock, with influences like Simon & Garfunkel and Ben Howard, Kaitlyn Zittel's music is teeming with emotion and unique perspective. Her poetic lyrics give listeners much to contemplate while her simple melodies and broad vocal dynamics bring a relaxing enchantment to the evening. ... more

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